First of all: Kinky sex is not just about spanking. While spanking could be a part of it, kink includes a whole spectrum of behaviors beyond BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism). It could involve anything from roleplaying, to blindfolds and feathers, to pegging, or even having a threesome.
The term “kink” generally refers to sexual practices that are ‘non-normative’ in that they extend beyond typical or common sexual behaviors. The biggest rule: If you and your partner are both interested in kinky sex, it is essential to have open conversations about what it is about kink that's a turn-on, and what you're comfortable trying. It is recommended to ask your partner about their favorite kinds of porn, their fantasies, and their erotic secrets—and sharing your own. Listen to each other in an non-judgemental way, come up with a game plan and a safe word, after which you can slowly start exploring. Enjoy it, get acclimated, and then take a few more baby steps. Keep exploring until you find what feels good for you.
Importantly: Kink doesn’t have to be overly adventurous or extreme. If vanilla sex is more your thing, you can still embrace your kinky side and explore what works for you. The beauty of kink is its limitlessness: While some kinky acts include elaborate outfits, expensive equipment, and renting out a sex dungeon, for many kinksters, simply shifting language can be enough to turn a vanilla experience into a kinky one. It’s about adventure, creativity, openness, and fun.
Ahead, there are 15 kinky ideas that you can try during your next sexy night in:
1. Sex Menu
Are you interested in introducing kinky play in the bedroom, but still feel shy about initiating? Use a menu! Here’s how it works: On your next date night, write down which kinky sex ideas sound interesting and have your partner do the same. When you’re done, swap menus and pick two things from each others' lists. Now you’ve collectively chosen four items and need to collaborate on how to put a scene together. For example, come up with a story to role play that involves a little dress up, blindfolding, and getting spanked. It can be a lot of fun sexually, and working together this way also improves the relationship and intimacy.
2. Simple Restraint
Belts, ties, and scarfs can be an easy, un-intimidating way to experiment with restraint (a.k.a. bondage). Really, trying it out is as simple as using a bandana or scarf to restrain someone’s hands. You can also pick up a beginner's kink kit, which includes things like blindfolds and handcuffs, but also other items such as nipple clamps and a feather tickler. The kit is a great tool for trying out what kinds of kinky behaviours you and your partner(s) might find arousing!
3. Mirrors and Voyeurism
Voyeurism—giving your partner a strip tease, letting your partner watch you touch yourself, or simply enjoying being objectified while naked—is an easily approachable kink for most people. It has a power dynamic but not a tremendous one, and you can switch roles after a few minutes. Additionally, having sex in front of a mirror can be an introduction to engage in voyeurism or exhibitionism. Doing so will not only allow you to get a view of the action from different angles, but you’ll also be able to see all the faces and reactions you and your partner have during sex.
4. Get Wet (Yes, We Mean Pee)
Urinating on your partner (or being urinated on) is more common than people realize—it’s a hugely intimate act. It can be incredibly humiliating and degrading for the receiver and incredibly powerful for the giver. It’s not for everyone, but if this kink has you intrigued, we recommend trying it out in the shower. Next time you’re taking a steamy shower together, ask your partner how they would feel if you peed. The shower is the safest place for beginners, because you’re going to be clean in two seconds. Once you feel like moving things into the bedroom, a waterproof intimacy blanket is very useful if you wish to protect your sheets from the liquids.
5. Blindfolds
Chances are, you have a scarf, a sleep mask, or a tie laying around your bedroom somewhere—tying one on deprives you (or your partner) of one of your main senses, making all the others—touch, taste, smell, sound—all the more electrifying. In doing this, you can experience pleasure in a different way. Blindfolding also underscores a kinky power imbalance, he says, leaving your partner at the mercy of your touch. A blindfold is also included in the BDSM Play Box.
6. Body Worship
Body worship can apply to your butt, breasts, feet, and more. Not sure how to set the scene? To start, the worshiped partner can sit in a chair or on the edge of a bed or couch, while the worshiper kneels by the other’s feet to establish a power dynamic. Body worship means kissing, sucking, or licking whatever part of the body turns you on. And yes, that can also include oral sex if you wish, but make sure one partner is on the ground while the other is above, so you both can enjoy the power dynamics implicit in the position.
7. Make A Sex Tape
Sure, a mirror can be great, but making a video and recording yourselves (with consent, of course) can allow you to tap into voyeurism and exhibitionism kinks even more. Record yourselves, and pretend someone is watching. Later, go back and watch yourselves to continue the fun, or watch next time you find yourself in the mood and masturbate to it. This can be an especially useful suggestion if you don’t love the idea of watching porn but still want to have something to watch later.
8. Try Out New Places
The bedroom might be your go-to spot for sex, but sometimes, all you need is a change in environment for extra excitement. And no, that doesn’t mean you have to resort to car sex - although if that’s what you’re into, go for it! Try other rooms like the living room, the bathroom, or the kitchen. Sometimes you might want to leave your house altogether - having sex outdoors can feel adventurous and give you a fun, sexy adrenaline rush. Maybe you enjoy the underlying fear of getting caught, or perhaps you like the idea that someone might be watching. Whatever your reasoning, just be careful about accidentally breaking public indecency laws!
9. Watch (Kinky) Porn Together
Sharing your favorite porn with your partner can be a vulnerable experience, but it’s a great way to introduce them to your kinks. And if you're concerned that porn videos won’t accurately portray your kinks, consider sending them your favorite kinky audio porn or erotic stories. Your partner may find it arousing, and one thing might turn into another. Leave it on during sex and pretend you’re engaging in a threesome, foursome, or an orgy. Watch while you have sex, imagine them watching you, or use it instead of sensual music.
10. Sext Throughout The Day
If your flirting game is on point, you’ll love this idea. Spend the day texting your partner about everything you want to do with or to each other when you next see each other. Then, you can play out your conversation IRL. By connecting throughout the day and talking sexually to each other, you are creating a buildup and bodily tension that will naturally need a release. After work, agree to meet at a bar to continue the flirty sexting, until you've created enough anticipation that you are ready to give in to sexual ecstasy.
11. Pretend You’re Strangers
This one is as straightforward as it sounds, but there are several factors you can play with. For starters, you can take it as an opportunity to put your best flirting skills to use. You might also find yourself putting in extra effort to seduce your partner. “If you have financial means to spend a night at a hotel, imagine that you are meeting for the first time, enjoying a night on the town and each other.
12. Masturbate Together And Use Toys In New Ways
People think of solo time when they think of masturbation, but engaging in mutual masturbation can take things to another level. Masturbation is typically seen as something you do behind closed doors, away, or hidden from your partner. Watching your partner get off (and vice versa) can really intensify your experience. You can also experiment with your toys, for example by using a vibrator that was mostly intended for clitoral stimulation and using it on your nipples. Using different textures to stimulate various body parts (so long as it’s safe to do so) can keep things interesting and exciting.
13. Small Punishments
Yes, it’s called punishment, but you can also think of it like “funishment.” Start very, very gently if your partner is inexperienced. Most kinksters prefer to give punishments in a playful way, so please don’t do this out of real anger or frustration! In other words, make sure you’re level-headed when providing or receiving punishment. And remember, just like any other kinky act, punishment requires ongoing consent.
14. Objectification
Yep, this is exactly what it sounds like: treat your partner like an object for your own pleasure. This could be a footstool, or a table, or another type of furniture, but the most important part is the mind-bending aspect of them being unable to speak or make sounds (except for their safe word!) while you treat them as that object of choice. Additionally, you can incorporate some form of discipline by giving a light spank or pinch if they act out of their role.
15. Edging
If you like teasing or being teased, then you’ll probably enjoy edging. Edging is when one partner brings the other close to climax and then stops. The process repeats as long as desired, and often results in stronger orgasms. To test this out, you can try bringing bondage into the mix. “Tell your partner that the only way they can be freed is when they beg for relief. Then, use your hands, fingers, lips, or any toys you like on them. Your goal is to get them excited and edge them.
Aftercare - An Essential Part Of Kink
No matter what kind of kink you're trying out, aftercare is a must. It’s often done after a scene ends, or whenever someone safewords out of a scene. While we often focus on the psychological and physical aspects of kink play, we cannot overlook the many physiological shifts that occur as well. Aftercare addresses all of these aspects, allowing room for tending to any wounds or physical concerns, managing emotional and psychological care, and gently regulating if an altered state of consciousness was experienced during the play itself.
Aftercare can look very different from person to person, so it’s always best to negotiate the kind of care you’d like before engaging. Some people prefer a warm blanket and something light to snack on, while others prefer alone time or talking things out. Whatever your needs are, make sure to communicate them as much as possible to avoid sub-drop (that is, when uncomfortable or unpleasant feelings creep up after a scene). This can occur anywhere from minutes to days after engaging in play. Asking each other questions about what the experience was like will help with processing and ensure proper regulation.
Got it? Great! Now, go ahead and grab that blindfold.